I’ve taken a knock backwards in the last few days and I haven’t been able to place why.
I’ve recently been so very happy in my life and positive about the future, and have no need to feel low and upset, so why do I suddenly feel deflated?
As somebody who is very in touch with their emotions, I like to identify, analyse and fix my feelings before they spiral out of control. I guess that’s what Cognitive Behavioural Therapy teaches you to do…
It took running into an image on my Facebook news feed for me to realise what it is that has been holding me back from truly moving on, and is now trying to drag me back into a negative mind set. I have forgotten to forgive.
When I was young I took great pride in that I could ‘forgive and forget’. I would fall out with my friends one day and the next day I was ‘happy as Larry’, playing with them in the playground again like we had never spoken ill of each other.
Then, I grew up. Then arguments and fall outs began to hold more weight and were more personal. Then I started to learn how to carry on without those people in my life and not look back.
Now, obviously there are disagreements that you can move forward from, and there also things that happen that you know are not redeemable and are best to be left behind, but the trick is to move forward without holding those negative feelings in your heart.
By holding onto a grudge, you are inflicting yourself more pain and are doomed to keep reliving the memory over and over. If somebody does something to hurt you, it sucks, but people have their reasons for the things that they do, whether they are selfish or not. The sooner you can learn to forgive, the sooner you can lift that burden from your heart.
So that is what I know I have to do. Today.
Today I will go sit out on the deck of the ship and meditate. While I am there, I will look out on the beautiful world that surrounds me, be thankful for the wonderful people that I have in my life, look forward to a positive future, and most importantly, decide to forgive those that have hurt me. And I hope that anyone that feels like I have ever done them wrong, will understand that I never intentionally set out to hurt them and will in turn, forgive me too.